you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
