WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
