I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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