It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
