i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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