I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
