I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
