i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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