I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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