i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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