Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Randomize
