I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize