Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
