I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
