Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
