I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
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She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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