wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
