the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
