If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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