I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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