Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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