I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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