in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
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i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
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Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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