Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
