i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
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