It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
