Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
We don't watch enough power rangers
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
