arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
