what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I came so hard my ears popped.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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