I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
