she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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