im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
