I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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