i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I fill condoms, not promises.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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