Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize