why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
