some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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