I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
