Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Randomize