I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
