Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize