So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
