So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize