508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
