Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
