u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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