Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
