I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
