I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I forgot wine drunk hurts
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
