I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
