I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
