she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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