She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Randomize
