New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
