On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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