He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
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Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
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No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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