I love having hate sex.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
