You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
