Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
