its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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