I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
