I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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