he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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