3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize