I love black thongs
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
