oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
last night I used snow as a chaser
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
