You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
